Free Verse Poem
1 04 2008Rush!
Don’t let him get away
to the outer world
life is good the way it is
and he is part of it
he can go if he wants to
but he knows
it will not be the same
as it is in here
Don’t let him get away
to the outer world
It is bad for him
He can go if he wants to
But it is good in here We like it
We like it in here
If you want to go to the outer world
life will not be the same
And you will come back in
Oh Oh Oh Oh
You will come back
I know
GUYS LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT….HE IS AN IMAGINARY PERSON!!!!!!!!
Pradinya…. I liked it…but i was confused. Your point of view changes ( I think). Who is he? Who is me? Am I you? Are you someone else? Or just you telling me about him??? Why is it so good in hear. I liked your free verse, something about it was awesome, if i would to compare it to something, it would be listening to a song in a foreign language, liking it but it doesnt make any sense. Does that make sense?
aaah ok i confused myself.
At the end you shouldn’t say character, you should say imaginary person. It confused me when you say character.
very good pradinya
are you going to adapt it into a song, cuz i didnt understand the Oh Oh Oh part. it was also kinda confusing. Whats in here, is it your heart??? the use of repetition is an awesome idea, but i suggest clearing up your poem, so that the repetition sounds more awesome. other than that, very good, and you conveyed your message very clearly…..
yasmina
It was good!